General Humour

To blog or not to blog…

Sometimes the muse leaves you…

The terror of the blank page… blah blah

The fear that inspiration will never return…. blah blah

The panic that your well has run dry…blah, again, blah

Well, I have NOTHING! ZILCH! SWEET FA! – so I’m going to write about things that aren’t inspirational at all and see how long you can take it…. 😉

The big debate in the house today is 1) how to make money and 2) how to spend it.

1. has basically boiled down to what we can and/or are prepared to sell – having some success already with items found in the shed and our wardrobes being advertised on Gumtree. The other solution being me entering competitions online (yawn) and taking surveys (coma).

2. Is a recipe for disaster. One of us thinks that food, utilities, makeup etc. is more important whilst the other really wants some model gun kits from Japan and some mobile phone credit and to keep Spotify Premium live.

What would’ve really cheered me up today would have been flying my helicopter but it’s been far too windy – I have no idea how Prince William does it (His is bigger though…)

I’ve recently rediscovered MAME32 and have been trying to conquer R-Type and Galaxians again – just not the same without a proper joystick and buttons with fag-burns on them though. At least I can give myself unlimited credits….

Still with me?

Apparently the “best” length for a blog entry is approx. 1000 words.


Depression, Mental Health

Remember I said I wasn’t depressed earlier?

Bloody am now. Doing online surveys and competitions in an attempt to earn/win cash/goods to sell. Possibly the most soul-destroying thing I’ve ever had to put myself through.

Why am I doing this? – Well I’ve been signed off work for medical reasons and the amount of benefits you can get these days barely keeps our two cats fed let alone us.

Still you never know – may win something and then it’ll be blogging from a beach somewhere (Southend maybe?) 😉

Still, I shall stick at it. Being realistic, SOMEONE wins these prizes!

N.B. If anyone feels “triggered” by the photo – It IS for sale at a very reasonable price….

Depression, Invisible Illness, Mania, Undiagnosed Illness

The bright side of life…

Did you wake up happy this morning?

I did. Bit of a shocker.

Years of suffering from manic depression have made even the simplest things seem like insurmountable obstacles at times.

Getting out of bed to use the toilet was like being asked to walk on broken glass.

Getting dressed would be like translating the works of Mao Tse-Tung from the original Manadarin.

Depression is not understood by anyone who has not experienced it. It is NOT feeling a bit “down”. Nor is it something you can just “snap” out of…

Try and imagine that all of a sudden you have had a ton of wet sand dumped on you.

You cannot move, you can barely breathe. The harder you try to escape from under it the more exhausted you become until you have no choice but to sleep. And dreams are all you have left because in your dreams you can move and breathe again. You can dream that you are happy.

But then you wake up. Sometimes a lot of the sand has gone, sometimes it’s doubled in size.

Pills can help (sometimes). Counselling can help (sometimes).

And sometimes, but just sometimes, something will wash the sand away and you can walk on the beach in the sunshine again. But the sand will always be between the butt-cheeks of your mind somewhere… And you’ll never be completely confident you won’t wake up covered by it again.

All you can do is rejoice the days it’s gone and hope it never returns.

Cosplay, General Humour, Mania

Being mad AND bad is fun…

Cosplay gives mad people the perfect opportunity to be “Bad”.

At comic con events you see people putting incredible effort into their costumes as “Super Villains”.

The Jokers outnumber the Batmen. The Harley Quinns vastly outgun the Wonder Women…

Why? It’s just more fun! We’re all under pressure in our normal lives to be law-abiding citizens, pay our rent/mortgages/taxes/recycle/maintain our credit rating etc.

Why not dress up and be a bit “naughty” for a day or two?

Get youself a toy gun or sword and pretend to slay a “Hero”…Bat yawn

“Problem Child” – AC/DC

I’m hot, and when I’m not
I’m cold as ice
Get out of my way
Just Step aside
Or pay the price

What I want I take
What I don’t I break
And I don’t want you
With a flick of my knife
I can change your life
There’s nothing you can do

I’m a problem child
I’m a problem child, yes I am
I’m a problem child
And I’m wild

General Humour, Mental Health

Is it so bad to be mad?

A lot depends on just what “type” of mental illness you have.

Depression – sucks

Anxiety/panic attacks – blows

Schizophrenia – really sucks

Phobias – can be variable (and silly)

Bi-Polar – can be up and down

Not a definitive list and yes, I’m obviously taking the piss.

However, look at how much of our great talent are mentally ill yet entertain us (to our delight) every day? Without madness our world would be a much duller place. Humour and comedy would be almost non-existent. Tech and modern-day “conveniences” wouldn’t exist. Seriously, do you really think all the great inventors and geniuses are people you let babysit your dog? Do you think Cillit Bang came from a sane mans mind? Apple gave us gravity and the iPhone! – is that not mental? I have a delight called EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) – here’s an excerpt from a paper descibing it…

  • To be diagnosed with BPD / EUPD, a person must show an enduring pattern of behaviour that includes at least 5 of the following:
    • Patterns of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealisation) to intense dislike or anger (devaluation).
    • Inappropriate, intense anger or problems in controlling anger [those around often describe a feeling of ‘walking on eggshells’ when present].
    • Recurring suicidal behaviours or threats of suicide, or engage in bouts of deliberate self-harm such as cutting or impulsive overdoses.
    • Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days [This can mimic intense depression or a bipolar disorder and misdiagnosis is common].
    • Extreme reactions including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions to avoid abandonment by others, whether real or perceived.
    • Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future [‘I don’t know who I am’].
    • Longstanding feelings of emptiness and/or boredom.
    • Having paranoid thoughts or feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality [open to misdiagnosis of schizophrenia in some instances] when under stress.
    • Impulsive and often dangerous behaviours, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.

WOW EH? – Yet I’m still a delight to be around!…. Pffftttt… I hear in the background. More to follow peeps….

General Humour, Hospital, Mental Health

The Problems You Have When You’re Not Allowed to Play with Sharp Things (Bladed Articles)

When you are admitted to a mental ward (Either informally or under Section) you WILL find a lot of your personal liberties & things you take for granted disappearing.

After 4-5 weeks and 4 different hospitals (being watched constantly) I found myself looking a little like this…

SO! Personal hygiene and appearance is one thing that suffers. My toenails grew so long I got blisters on my heels because my shoes were so tight.

You’re not allowed to use nail clippers and nurses can’t help you so you have to get a referral to a chiropodist – good luck with that.

* Hospital food and plastic cutlery – Nah. Better off using the tools now growing at the end of your fingers and toes…

* You can’t stab anyone. And trust me. After even just a few days locked in with a bunch of nutters stabbing someone would be VERY cathartic!

* Someone else has to shave you and it’s just not the same… (Especially “down there”)

* You have NOTHING to keep the spiders off you!!!!!!!

spider 2

General Humour, Mental Health

Life is like a box of chocolates…

“You never know what you’re going to get…”

Well, that’s true but it also isn’t.

Sometimes you know EXACTLY what you’re going to get.

If I watch Forrrest Gump – I KNOW I’m going to cry…

If I have a drink I KNOW I’m going to want another…

If I lose at Words With Friends I KNOW I’m going to be angry….

If I get criticised I KNOW I’ll be furious (but will hold it in)…

If I watch Avengers Assemble I KNOW I’ll get a hard-on…