Security on a mental ward is supposed to be tight, very tight…

The list of things you can’t have or have brought in to you by visitors is extensive. You can be frisked, checked with metal detectors, breathalysed and tested for drugs anytime you (or a visitor) enters the ward.

Forbidden Items include – Cans, lighters, glass bottles, sexual material, narcotics, alcohol, matches, weapons etc.

One night on the ward the fire alarm goes off. Now in an environment where there’s almost always one type of alarm or another going off, this one is a mutha…

We’re all corralled in the dining-room while the staff run around like headless chickens trying to do a head-count on us (Pun intended) and control whatever the situation is…

45 mins later the info filters through. Boots (Nickname) has set fire to himself in his room…. WHILE SMOKING CRACK FFS!!!


Why avocado? After the incident above my partner brought me in some ripe avocados and a lemon – one of my favourite snacks.

Wanting to enjoy them in my room (not the zoo that is the ward dining-room), I requested a plate (plastic) and a knife (plastic) and a spoon (again plastic) – refused. Why? “You could be a danger to yourself or others…”


I “could” shove these avocados down your throat or up your arse with my bare hands? – no answer to that one…


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