General Humour, Invisible Illness, Mental Health, Undiagnosed Illness

Delusions of Grandeur

Psychosis, schizophrenia, paranoia etc. can produce weird but often amusing thoughts, stories and actions.

One patient I became friends with has about three voices in his head. Not everything they tell him to do is bad E.g. “Don’t kill yourself”. Unfortunately he has to drink excessively to keep them quiet. When he’s pissed he has a habit of walking in front of moving vehicles (including a train at Putney which smacked him in the head and then he got electrocuted on the rails).

Anyway, I was having a smoke with him on Denmark Hill. He was making roll-ups from butt-ends off the pavement because he was so skint.

He says –

“Carl, you’re a knowledgeable man. Can I ask some advice?”


“I’m worried about getting a gambling problem”

Mate. Considering you only smoke what you can find, I don’t think that’s the biggest of your problems. Want some baccy?

“Oh yeah. Hadn’t thought of it that way…”


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