Good question. I;ve had a drink AND sleeping tablets – yet still awake.
I’m fuzzy yet coherent and I COULD say or do anything.
I have a history of being reckless on occasion and can be VERY thoughtless and arrogant.
Is that me or my condition? Does it matter? Are the two seperate?
I’m also very caring and emphatic. People come to me for advice and help (idiots).
This is the problem with being Emotionally Unstable. I can love and hate simultaneously – lierally a volcanic iceberg. I’ll give you every penny in my pocket to help you out then tell you to piss off because you’re annoying me. Both actions are genuine.
Logic has no say. I have common sense coming out of my ears but it mskes no fifference, there is no control over the emotions that sweep in for no reason.
I’ll go out in the early morning for random walks for no reason, except maybe to see what trouble will come my way and if anyone is stupid enough to try and mug me. – again the arrogance…
Sometimes you meet the best people though (but more often not…)
Insomnia and Peckham Crack Whore
I can’t remember who said writing was hard but they weren’t wrong. If anything, writing this is killing me.
I can’t sleep – last night at 2.30am I went for a walk down Queens Road. 2.5 miles, just to try and tire myself out.
Halfway back I hear a cry – “Michael… HEY! Michael!”
I stop and turn to see who is calling who.
What I can only describe as a vaguely female West Indian ewok comes trotting across the road towards me.
“Michael! How you doing?”
I look behind me – no-one there.
Oh fuck. She’s talking to me…
“Sorry Love. I’m not Michael.”
“Doesn’t matter honey” – tries to hold my hand
“Buy me a drink?” – – – – “Ummm – No”
“How about sex?” —– I go home for a drink — Alone…