General Humour, Intimacy, Invisible Illness, Mental Health, Undiagnosed Illness

Nobody Loves Raymond

This is going to be a tricky piece to write.

I intend it to be funny but the subject matter (Raymond) is actually a tragic case and fully deserving of our sympathy – EXCEPT for several reasons which I shall elaborate on.

Mental Health Wards (MHW) are obviously full of very sick people. HOWEVER, as I’ve said before, being crazy does NOT = stupid.

Yes, some people are completely out of touch with reality and the situation they’re in and the people they’re around BUT they are a minority.

Yes, a lot of us have problems controlling our emotions and behaviour BUT ,again, they are a minority – even with sufferers of Mental Illness free will can and does still exist.

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will. – Jawaharlal Nehru (1889 – 1964)

Excuse my French but Raymond annoyed the mutha-f**king living sh*t out of me all the time I was “imprisoned” on a ward with him earlier this year.

A man in his mid-thirties, he suffers from multiple mental health, addiction and physical problems – anal incontinence being the primary physical one and the main reason for this blog.

It is one thing not to be able to control your bowel movements but entirely another to TOTALLY ignore or respect the fact that you’re in a closely, confined space with up to 30 other people and walk around with your hands permanently stuck down the back of your nappy then touch walls, door handles, seats etc. with no thought or consideration for others.

One morning at breakfast, Raymond ,without warning or any effort to make it to a toilet, just dumped a load all over the floor causing a mass exodus of whom many were vomiting up their food due to the smell. He just sat there unconcerned and finished his breakfast and then walked around (dripping shit everywhere) eating the food everyone had left behind.

You didn’t need to hear that – I just needed to get it out there

“Just like Raymond did”

It’s quite funny that a man suffering from almost terminal anal incontinence can manage to have even MORE shit coming out of his mouth…

One Wednesday morning I’m walking towards my room then hear a strident, outraged voice behind me –

“Carl, Carl, CARL! – You’ll never guess what they just accused me of!?!?! (Yes, It’s Raymond)

“Ummm, shitting yourself again perchance?”

“Yeah, well, yes. But they got it all wrong!”

“No offense mate (backing away) but the smell does kinda give it away…!”

“But they didn’t SEE it!”

FFS – I ran away ASAP retching…

That’s it, Raymond is out of my system. Pray to the deity of your choice that you never end up on a MHW with someone like him…

Raymond’s condition is so bad the hospital gave him his own bathroom – ironically it’s spotless but he does find it very useful to smoke heroin in…


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