Depression, EUPD, General Humour, Invisible Illness, Mania, Mental Health, My Present, Undiagnosed Illness

The Irishman said…

The  Police said…

When the world is running down
You make the best of what’s still around
When the world is running down
You make the best of what’s still around
When I feel lonely here, don’t waste my time with tears

Maximo Park said…

What’s my view? Well, how am I supposed to know?
Write a review? Well, how objective can I be?

I’d like to wait to see how things turn out
If you apply some pressure
I like to wait to see how things turn out
If you apply some pressure!

What happens when you lose everything?
You just start again
You start all over again

How much pressure can I take? How many times can I lose everything? How many times can I start again? How much more can I make the best of what’s still around?

Don’t worry people, this isn’t a pre-suicide rant – these are the type of songs that vitalize me.

Music is one of the things that keep me going – I forget to listen far too often though….

One day I’ll break and tell you everything about my life and what I’ve lost and gained, until then I’ll stick with humour and tell you my “cow” joke (I know a number of you liked the “camel” joke…)

There’s three scientists; an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman…

Desperate for new funding money and gaining tenure they sit down drunkenly one night to discuss new research options.

One bright spark, (I shan’t say which) said – “Why don’t we stick a cork up the arse of a cow and see what happens?”    

They all agree this is a great idea and the next day obtain a cow, a cork and a field to keep it in – using university funds of course….   

After sticking the cow in the field (and the cork up its arse) they go off (to the pub) to celebrate their “award-winning” project….              

After a month of “celebrating” – they finally remember about their experiment and go to check on their cow….

OMG! – This thing is the size of a house! Shocked, the three “geniuses” discuss the possibilities…

“It could all be meat!” says one – “We could have solved world hunger!”

“It could have just turned to fat!” says another – “We could make a fortune from the cosmetics industry?”

“OR” – says the other – “It COULD all just be shit…”

“Hmmmm” – they all look at one another – “Who’s going to take the cork out?” 

The three look at each other, have another drink, and reach a decision – “We’ll train a monkey to take the cork out…”

Decision duly reached, they toast each other and go off to find and train a monkey….

Two months later they’re ready… The “Cow” is now the size of a small block of flats….

The Englishman  decides that it’s best if he sits 50 meters away behind a wall measuring the results with precise scientific instruments (binoculars)….

The Scotsman (already believing that the “cow” is now 90% meat and he’s going to be a wealthy man) decides to stand 25 meters away…

The Irishman is left to hold the lead of the monkey….  

The big moment arrives… 

The (decidedly nervous) monkey creeps up the 20mtr height to the cork….

The Irishman glances nervously back at the Scotsman who repeats the gesture back to the English scientist… Approval is given – the cork is pulled out… 

The English scientist is blown off his feet by a powerful jet of shit…

“OMG” – the Scotsman! – he pluckily begins to wade through the Tsunami of excreta still jetting from the cow…

25 metres he finds the Scotsman floating on a river of excreta – he drags him to his feet and as they wipe the shit from each others eyes they suddenly realise their friend the Irishman is unaccounted for!

They wade towards the now rapidly deflating cow though a veritable sea of shit.

At their friends approximately last known position (there was no black box) all they  can see is a Tam O’Shanter and a stream of bubbles…

They take deep breaths and dive down, grasping frantically – they find him and drag him to the surface….

The Irish scientist is alive and laughing uncontrollably….

“My god man, what could possibly be funny? We just nearly all died!”

The Irishman gets his breath….

“You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!”



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