Why haven’t I got a one-liner? It’s very annoying …

No one screams in terror when they ask me who I am and I gruffly utter –

I’m Carl …

Not even if I add a bit of attitude like Bart Simpson…

I’m Carl Baumann, who the hell are you?

If I look someone straight in the eye and assure them that

I’ll be back …

They usually just roll their eyes and say

That’s nice dear. Make sure you close the door on your way out.

Pfffttt …

It’s just not fair. The only things I get to refer to as ‘puny’ are the cats and they don’t take much notice. Good opportunity here for my all-time favourite take on The Hulk’s ‘Puny Humans’ as seen in The Avengers –

I can’t even say I’m a friendly neighborhood anything. Everyone in my ‘neighborhood’ is a thug or criminal and the only superpower I have is to lock my door and hide quietly behind it. Not very friendly.

As far as I can see, the only benefit of being known as ‘The Doorman’ would be the possibility of some tips.

So what to do? Go down the gym and drink lot’s of protein shakes? Muck around with highly dangerous radioactive materials and a variety of wildlife?

No, that sounds well dodgy. I’d probably end up as ‘Slugman’ or ‘The Human Snail’.

Oooh! Maybe that’s it! Who ARE you mysterious stranger?

I’m Well Dodgy. Don’t turn your back …

Perfect …

batman coffee


6 thoughts on “I’m Batman …

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