What the bloody hell now?
Bear with me. This is good. You’ll laugh.
Bet I bloody won’t.
You will! I promise. As long as you’ve seen Jaws. The famous film directed by Steven Spielburg. Based on the book by Peter Benchley written in 1974. Did you know the film was made only the next year after the book was published?
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why is this funny?
I went for a pedicure yesterday. One of those places where you get the dead skin nibbled off your feet by tiny fish.
I took my shoes and socks off and put my feet in the bowl.
The cute Asian girls who run the salon looked at each other.
They said – “We’re going to need bigger fish.”
Isn’t it ‘lonesome as a cloud’?
Well, that’s what HE wrote but I always like to be different. And you’re wrong. It was ‘lonely as a cloud’.
So do you think you’re fluffy? Or a cloud?
Maybe. What do you think?
I think you’re struggling to find something to write about.
That may be true. But it looks like you’re struggling to find something good to read?
That’s also true.
See! I’m always right.
Now I am struggling. To take that statement seriously.
You’re still here though aren’t you?
Told you. I’m ALWAYS right….
Don’t worry. This is going to be interesting and funny. Not morbid and depressing.
Know the expression ‘Kick the bucket’? – there are loads of potential theories for where this expression come from – see here for a list.
I have a new proposal –
Kick the safe
This phrase has a clear explanation – Almost everyone has heard of Jack Daniel right? Well, Jack got frustrated one day and kicked the safe in his office. Then he got gangrene in his foot and died from it. There you go – He kicked the safe! Simple …
Beaten to death
Most people are under the mistaken impression that Harry Houdini drowned performing his most famous stunt – escaping from a nailed packing container, suspended in water whilst manacled. No – he died for a completely different reason. He was famous for being able to withstand punches to the abdomen. That’s…
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What do you mean you don’t respond well to criticism Carl?
What! Are you saying I don’t communicate clearly enough?
No, no. I was just trying to expand the conversation.
So you’re saying I’m boring or stupid?
No! I was just trying to start a dialogue.
So you can’t accept my statement at face value? Are you saying I’m not providing enough information to keep your interest?
Not at all. I just wanted to get more information.
So you ARE saying I’m boring! Well, I’m so, so sorry I’m not interesting enough to keep your attention…. Bigot.
I’m not a bigot!
So now you’re saying I’M a bigot?
NO! Not at all. Please don’t get upset.
Well. It’s a bit late for that. I told you I don’t take criticism well…