Carl… Carl… Carl…

Be careful. Just like Beetlejuice I may appear. What is it now?

That’s just what we were going to ask. Are squirrels on crack incredibly strong or persuasive?

Probably, to be fair I’ve never encountered one (yet) but in South London anything is possible…

So what is the deal with crack squirrels, or squirrels on crack?

Well, that’s more of a reference to a condition I suffer from.

You’re addicted to crack? Or squirrels? Or both?

That’s a separate issue but I do have a different (yet related) addiction problem.

This sounds interesting, maybe. Pray tell?

When people make random comments on social media I have an irresistible urge to immediately get on Google (Or any other search engine) and research or look up information on whatever it is that they have brought up. In this instance today it was obviously squirrels on crack.

And? Is that not a good thing? It shows you have an inquisitive and enquiring mind surely? Do you really see that as a problem?

In a way. You see, during my research into crack and squirrels, I discovered that these rodents where I live actually DO have a problem with crack addiction!

And your humanitarian and kindly, benevolent nature takes umbrage at this?

No. I am now firmly convinced that one of the little bastards stole my mobile phone in order to fund his/her habit. Because there’s no way a human could have gotten through the gap left in the window to do it…

Ah, now it makes (almost) some kind of sense. What are you going to do about it?

Isn’t it obvious? It’s a crime requiring the attention of the police. Squirrels live in trees. I’m going to call Special Branch of course…

Squirrel_crack

 

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