Behaviour, Commentary, General Humor, Insomnia, Mania

Things I’m no good at – Part 7 – not smiling at people…

Sorry, what Carl? You’re apologising for smiling at people? Being nice?

Correct.

Why on earth should you have to say sorry for being nice?

Very good point. The thing is, I live in London, a huge metropolis of approximately 8.5 million people.

And you insist on smiling at all of them? You must be exhausted.

Not just that. When I’m experiencing hypomania I also, wait for it, talk to people too!

Well, we admire your ambition if nothing else.

Thank-you. However, there are some issues that can arise out of this happiness, exuberance and energetic behaviour. Apparently I’m a ‘pouncer’….

You sell short weights on things?

Idiot. No, I ‘pounce’ on people and insist on making them listen to me. Especially on buses.

Can’t that be dangerous in a big, violent city like London?

Nah. Only if it’s the driver. Then it can get messy…  😉

 

Advertisements
Adversity, Age, Batman, Behaviour, Bigotry, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, bright side of life, Commentary, Fantasy, General Humor, General Humour, Growing up

Things I’m no good at – Part 2 – Harbouring resentment…

You have to be seriously ‘effing kidding Carl. You! No good at resentment? You’re ‘aving a giraffe mate…

No, it’s true. I can’t do it anymore. Not always the case admittedly. When I was a teenager I could sulk for days. Literally days. And in later life I could build a grudge into a beast of horrific proportions and ‘I pity the fool’ that would dare to cross me..

But now? What, so you’re some saintly character that can ‘forgive and forget’ with nary a backward glance?

Kinda…

I don’t believe you.

That’s unfortunate but I forgive you kind reader…

Pffftttt…

Ok, I may be exaggerating a little but with the state of the world (and recent personal experiences) I’ve found that being upset all the time is just too exhausting.

So you’ve decided to adopt a brighter outlook and sense of optimism and leave all the bad feelings to others?

Yes, but I secretly now despise all those who whinge about their situation, political leaders, natural disasters and those who perpetrate violence and bigotry to others. I also secretly work incognito behind the scenes to punish wrong-doers and bring bring happiness and justice to the world…

Like some kind of costumed, incognito superhero? Like Batman or The Arrow or Wonder Woman?

YES! Exactly like that. But in secret without anyone knowing a thing…

Ummm…?

What?

Do you not see what you just did?

Oh. Bollocks. 😦

 

 

 

 

Adversity, Awkward Situations, Behaviour, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Challenge, Commentary, Conversation, General Humor, General Humour, Had enough, Humor

Things I’m no good at – Part 1 – Plastic Bags…

Shouldn’t the first thing on your list be writing good blogs?

F*** off. That was a cheap shot…

Ok, you’re right. That was an easy win. So, what is it with you and plastic bags?

Thanks for the apology. Doesn’t mean you’re off the list though. Anyway, I have issues with plastic bags. I find them very frustrating and a constant source of embarrassment…

Huh? Frustrating? Because they always break?

No. Because I can’t open them. I can seperate them off the roll etc. but I cannot for the life of me get them to open in order to put things in. Rubbing them between my hands, breathing on them, licking my finger-tips, picking with my nails…. They frustrate me every time, refusing to part their ‘lips’ and I always have to ask someone (usually the shop assistant ) to help me… (And yes, I do appreciate the irony there…)

Ooohhh, this does sound serious. Are you harbouring any thoughts of self-harm? Have you made any plans?

F*** you… You’re at the top of the list now. My question is this… Am I the only one? Is there anyone else out there that has the same affliction?

Are you looking for a date? Are you really that lonely?

That’s it… I really am after you now. I would asphyxiate you with with a plastic bag over the head and some duct-tape but…. *sigh* I can’t ever find the end of the duct-tape either… (Ironically)

Adversity, Angst, Annoyances, Blogging, Blogs, Cats, Commentary, General Humor, Snails, Spiders

Sharing your life with others …

Woke up this mornin’
Got yourself a gun

Alabama 3 – Woke Up This Morning (The Sopranos title music)

That’s how I felt when I got up this morning and encountered this ‘little’ fella in the bathroom –

bathroom spider

Aaarrgghhh!

Then I went into the front room and both cats are looking at me like the Children of the Damned.

children-of-the-damned-the-children

Aaarrgghhh!

Their bowls were empty and they weren’t happy. At all. And they were scary.

I got the impression they wanted to eat ME …

And then I sat down to write this and play some Candy Crush. Guess what my bare foot found on the floor …

snail

*SIGH* & Aaarrrgghhh ..!

Not the best start to a Sunday morning when all you want is a nice cup of coffee and to introduce your tortured mind back into the world.

Is it too much to ask for a little peace, solitude and lack of stomach-churning, mind-numbing terror and disgust?

Apparently so ..

Please do me a favor folks. It’s Sunday and I need a little ‘feel good’ – go and check some of my previous posts ..

I need to get my stats up … 😀

Beauty Products, Blogging, Blogs, Commentary, General Humor, Snails

Be more snail …

I was asked yesterday where my blog topics come from (No, it wasn’t my psychiatrist).

My answer was that I really have no idea. I just get up in the morning, have a smoke and a coffee then rest my hands on the keyboard and out it comes. (The piece!) 😉

So, here is an example of how my mind works …

The rain here (London, UK) has been torrential the past two days and the snails in our garden are out in force. I made a video yesterday and got a trans-atlantic snail race going with bets flying electronically across the ocean. This morning I saw the O2 (mobile phone company) ad for ‘Be more dog’.

So there you go – ‘Be more snail …’

Ok. But why should I be more snail?

Excellent question! I always research my pieces and found the following reasons …

  1. Snails are cool – Google ‘Brian’ and ‘Magic Roundabout’ for more info.
  2. Most ground snails are peaceful veggies (well, not exactly all), but the marine species can be top predators of the sea. They are armed with a harpoon like weapon (named toxoglossan radula, snails modified “tongue”) injecting a deadly venom into their victims.
  3. Garden snails have up to 14,175 teeth! They are all located on their tongue (radula).
  4. Snail slime is used in some beauty products!
  5. They’re a valuable food source for birds AND humans!
  6. You can customise them (see featured image)

So there you go. 6 reasons why you should be more snail. There are many, many more but I’m making myself a bit nauseous now …

Here’s one of our snails. He’s called McCloud …

snail

Blogging, Blogs, Body-art, Commentary, General Humor, tattoos, WTF

Making a statement …

No. Not to the police. To the world in general.

Lively discussion last night stroke yesterday morning/afternoon. (it’s a global group and there are several time-zones and levels of intoxication/caffeine addiction …)

Anyhoos, the chat was regarding tattoos and piercings and fondness for or hate of.

How many?

Where?

What of?

Why on earth? Etc. etc.

All good fun and very polite (mostly) – Tricky topic though. What’s the appropriate response when someone reveals something that you think is absolutely awful/shocking?

Do you wait for them to say they wish they hadn’t done it or that the artist or themselves was less drunk/more skilled? – and then jump in with –

OMG – Now I know why you wear a onesie all the time!

What if you absolutely love their body-art but are incredibly jealous and secretly ashamed of your own?

That’s really, really nice … OR … Not bad. Edges could be sharper though …(Grrrr)

I think in the modern world we need an etiquette guide for this sort of thing.

How about –

TATTfully Speaking.

or

ThINK before you speak?

What would you say to this chap?

Bad-Tattoo-2

I have no idea. Suggestions (and pictures!) welcome …

Adversity, Angst, Annoyances, Commentary, Conversation, General Humor, Modern Life

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats…

“The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.”

Black Adder – Episode 2.1 – Money

One of my favorite quotes. But is it true of my life?

Sometimes it feels that way. Catastrophe followed by crisis followed by drama followed by adversity…

Illness, accidents, poor luck, problems not (for once) of my own making, the list sometimes seems endless…

But is my quality of life that bad? You have to look at the positives. I’m not homeless (anymore), my personal relationships are healthy and/or improving, I’ve got food in my belly, I’m still breathing (admittedly an important factor to have any quality of life), heating, light, TV and perhaps most importantly, internet access!

Could be worse…

I like to think that I don’t complain excessively or look for sympathy but perhaps that’s exactly what I’m doing here? Damn it… 😉

At least I can laugh about it. Plus I’m of the conviction that something ALWAYS turns up. You never know what’s around the corner and that applies as much to good things as bad.

I like to embrace my anger when bad things happen. As Jonny Lydon sang with PIL –

Anger is an energy

Giving into adversity is all too easy but when you get really mad then I’ve found I can often get the drive to pull myself out of trouble.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that mild acceptance, letting yourself be beat down, even turning the other cheek, is not always the best course of action. Sometimes getting really pissed off, even vengeful or aggressive is not necessarily a bad choice. It can really have it’s benefits!

Reminds me of another favorite quote –

I pity the fool! – Mr T

So next time the bailiffs turn up at my door I may try that one

I pity the fool who tries to take my Rocky DVD’s!