Adversity, Age, Batman, Behaviour, Bigotry, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, bright side of life, Commentary, Fantasy, General Humor, General Humour, Growing up

Things I’m no good at – Part 2 – Harbouring resentment…

You have to be seriously ‘effing kidding Carl. You! No good at resentment? You’re ‘aving a giraffe mate…

No, it’s true. I can’t do it anymore. Not always the case admittedly. When I was a teenager I could sulk for days. Literally days. And in later life I could build a grudge into a beast of horrific proportions and ‘I pity the fool’ that would dare to cross me..

But now? What, so you’re some saintly character that can ‘forgive and forget’ with nary a backward glance?

Kinda…

I don’t believe you.

That’s unfortunate but I forgive you kind reader…

Pffftttt…

Ok, I may be exaggerating a little but with the state of the world (and recent personal experiences) I’ve found that being upset all the time is just too exhausting.

So you’ve decided to adopt a brighter outlook and sense of optimism and leave all the bad feelings to others?

Yes, but I secretly now despise all those who whinge about their situation, political leaders, natural disasters and those who perpetrate violence and bigotry to others. I also secretly work incognito behind the scenes to punish wrong-doers and bring bring happiness and justice to the world…

Like some kind of costumed, incognito superhero? Like Batman or The Arrow or Wonder Woman?

YES! Exactly like that. But in secret without anyone knowing a thing…

Ummm…?

What?

Do you not see what you just did?

Oh. Bollocks. 😦

 

 

 

 

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Adversity, Awkward Situations, Behaviour, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Challenge, Commentary, Conversation, General Humor, General Humour, Had enough, Humor

Things I’m no good at – Part 1 – Plastic Bags…

Shouldn’t the first thing on your list be writing good blogs?

F*** off. That was a cheap shot…

Ok, you’re right. That was an easy win. So, what is it with you and plastic bags?

Thanks for the apology. Doesn’t mean you’re off the list though. Anyway, I have issues with plastic bags. I find them very frustrating and a constant source of embarrassment…

Huh? Frustrating? Because they always break?

No. Because I can’t open them. I can seperate them off the roll etc. but I cannot for the life of me get them to open in order to put things in. Rubbing them between my hands, breathing on them, licking my finger-tips, picking with my nails…. They frustrate me every time, refusing to part their ‘lips’ and I always have to ask someone (usually the shop assistant ) to help me… (And yes, I do appreciate the irony there…)

Ooohhh, this does sound serious. Are you harbouring any thoughts of self-harm? Have you made any plans?

F*** you… You’re at the top of the list now. My question is this… Am I the only one? Is there anyone else out there that has the same affliction?

Are you looking for a date? Are you really that lonely?

That’s it… I really am after you now. I would asphyxiate you with with a plastic bag over the head and some duct-tape but…. *sigh* I can’t ever find the end of the duct-tape either… (Ironically)

Acknowledgement, Annoyances, Commentary, General Humour, Modern Life

My genes have let me down…

I’m not talking about the fact that I have Type 1 diabetes.

Or that I have a mental illness.

Or hypothyroidism.

Or short-sight.

And high blood-pressure.

Or that I’m allergic to cats.

No. None of these are the problem. I have medication for all the physical stuff. I get therapy for the mental problem. I wear glasses and I can take anti-histamines to counter the cats. (Or kick them out when it’s really bad.)

No. The real problem (and one that can’t be treated) is that I’m too tall.

Eh? Almost everyone would like to be taller!

Not if they had my kitchen sink cupboard…

My partner is a bit OCD and likes to tidy everything away. This results in everything I like to keep handy in case needed is ‘stuffed’ in the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink.

Aaarrgghhh!

Every time I try to find the hammer, or the sellotape, or the bin-bags, or my Marmite… I cause an avalanche of ‘crap’ that takes hours to put back.

Now, if I were shorter, I would be able to see into the cupboard and find the required item much quicker and without creating a mess of monumental proportions. My blood pressure would also be lower preventing an early demise. (Especially considering all the health conditions mentioned earlier!)

The short of it is… I’m too tall.

Behaviour, Commentary, General Humour, Other people, Superheroes

Other peoples business…

Just spent the last half an hour hanging my ear out of the back door listening to my neighbours having the mother of all arguments. (My partner was stood on the bed in the other room with her ear pressed to the ceiling…)

Why do we find others distress so enjoyable/interesting? Because we don’t have such drama in our own lives or does it just make us feel better?

I’ve had bucket-loads of drama in my life so I guess I must feel glad that it’s happening to someone else and not me.

Ever ‘rubber-necked’ on the motorway? Why? Worried that it might be someone you know?

Unlikely. On the motorway (or interstate) every other vehicle is more of an annoyance (like a buzzing fly) that is obstructing your way to the home/office/airport etc. and you probably couldn’t care less about who the drivers or passengers might be.

Is it possible to resist the temptation to poke our noses in? Should we?

Presumably some people do it to see if they can help or sort out an injustice. Perhaps our ‘superheroes’ are the ultimate ‘busybodies’ who make a career out of interfering. Instead of Spiderman, may be Peter Parker would have been better served adopting the moniker, ‘Nosey Parker’?

Many domestic fights are broken up by third parties only for them to find themselves being attacked by the partner that was on the receiving end of their spouses fist to start with. Sometimes it is better just to observe?

But even then you are likely to hear the immortal line – ‘What are you looking at?’ and have to turn away quickly or pretend to be extremely interested in the dry-cleaners behind them else risk becoming the subject of their wrath.

Anyway got to go. The partner has stormed out leaving the man with only the kids to shout at. Never heard such language from a seven-year old…

Commentary, General Humour, Karma, Modern Life, The little things in life

Conclusive proof that ‘Car’ma exists..

If you read my blog yesterday, you would have seen that I mentioned that my neighbours upset me all the time by continuously playing loud music and being generally obnoxious.

This morning, around 8 am, we heard a loud crunch in the road outside and looked out of the window to see what was going on.

‘Oh dear! What a shame!’ – the rear of their car was completely smashed in and the drivers were exchanging insurance details. Our neighbour was not a happy man. Any more proof needed? He he he.

IMG_20150720_103114

Commentary, Conversation, Free Speech, General Humour, Language, Meanings of words

Is it in yet?

Is it in yet?

Of course the four worst words any man wants to hear. 😉

Got me thinking though. (I hasten to mention, that was NOT said to me!)

In these days when tweets and texts are perhaps the primary method of communication (after speech) and we have to limit the amount of words/characters we use – what are the best/worst things we can hear or read that contain the fewest words?

Here’s a few of my suggestions…

You have 1/3/6 months to live

I love you

It’s not you, it’s me

That item is out of stock

You’ve got the job!

It’s a boy/girl!

It’s twins/triplets/sextuplets

I forgot your passport!

Happy Birthday!

We don’t have that size/color

We’re getting a puppy

I’m sorry about this but…

I’m pregnant

Bend over

We need to talk

I’m sorry

It’s too late

We’re out of toilet paper

Last orders please!

Wow. Isn’t it interesting how such few words can produce so much amount and variety of emotion? And how the very same words can be either positive or negative?

Generally you would imagine that the words ‘I love you’ would be great to hear, especially the first time. But for some people it can be the death knell for a relationship if they’re not ready or have a fear of commitment.

‘It’s a boy/girl’ can have tremendous import if you live in a country that allows/practices gendercide because of skewed economics or population problems. Many parents would cry tears not of joy but despair or anguish if the ‘wrong’ sex meant having to terminate the pregnancy or secretly dispose of the baby.

Some words can only mean bad news. I suspect almost no-one will take the instruction to ‘Bend over’ in a doctor’s office as an indication that something good is about to happen. There’s always exceptions to the rule though…

‘Happy Birthday’ will be words that will be great to hear for new 16/18/21 year olds as they are important milestones that open up whole new worlds of possibilities depending on where you live. At last you can go to a pub/bar/club or buy beer on your own! (Bit sad really but I think it’s true that it’s the primary thought in many young people’s heads)

Once you hit 30 though it’s a different story. To the point that you start dividing or deducting years in order to avoid hitting the big ‘tens’. ‘I’m NOT nearly 40, I’m 39 and a half!’ – me personally, I’m 47 and a quarter…

I’d love to hear your comments/opinions. What’s the best/worst thing you ever heard in the fewest words?

Commentary, Conversation, General Humour, Mental Health, Musings, Questions, Therapy, TV

Pointless questions…

I was watching an old episode of Frasier this morning and suddenly got caught by some dialogue between him and Niles (his brother) where his ex-wife (Lilith) has shown up and he is debating whether he wants to reconcile and looking to Niles for advice –

Niles: Frasier, like most patients who come to a 
therapist, you already know the answer to the 
question you're posing.  You just want me to agree
with your decision and support you whether I 
share your opinion or not.
Frasier: Yes, but I don't have an opinion in this 
case.
  Niles: I'm sure you do.
Frasier: But I don't.
  Niles: Well, then I can't help you.

This then made me think about the value of, and need for, therapy and those who practice it.

Are therapists really that knowledgable and skilled in the workings of the human mind or are they just ‘prompter’s’ who ask basic questions and then let us do all the work anyway?

I’ve attended various therapies and had different therapists over the years. fortunately I’ve never had to pay for any of them but if I had would I have seen them for as long or resented having to pay for their (my own) advice?

Here’s my list of the five requirements for a good therapist –

1) Ears (so at least you get the impression that someone is listening to you)

2) Mouth (to ask the occasional question)

3) Sympathetic expression (and box of tissues)

4) The ability to nod at the right time

5) No charge

The need to ‘vent’ is a very strong one. Exasperation at yourself, others, government, your employer etc. builds up and requires an outlet else becomes detrimental to your mental health. Facebook is now a popular outlet for demonstrating unhappiness about things but that can result in being seen as a constant complainer, bringing others down and may even result in your losing friends.

Perhaps the true value of a therapist is that they are not personally connected with you and therefore you can say all the things that bother you without having to worry about hurting anyones feelings (unless of course you’re telling them how crap and worthless you think they are). They also provide the sanctuary of confidentiality so you can really let loose when you need to.

I’m seeing my psychiatrist this afternoon. I actually have a lot of time and respect for him and enjoy our meetings and find them helpful. I also own a punchbag should he prove not to be.

What do you think? Remember, ‘I’m listening…’