Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Commentary, Education, Language

Flavourful vs. Flavoursome

What do you find flavoursome Carl?

Well, that’s my point. I find NOTHING flavoursome!

So what do you find flavorful then?

Again, NOTHING! I hate both words. They both make my skin crawl. Everytime I hear them I want to scream at the person who dared to use them and give them a slap.

But why? They’re both real words. They’re both in the dictionary.

I’m aware of that. However I hate them, they’re both horrible, they don’t sound right and they should be banished from the English language forever.

Who made you the god of language?

*Sigh* No-one. Unfortunately. But I will say this, there’s nothing wrong with ‘tasty’…

 

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Adversity, Angst, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Commentary

Therein lie the stuffing…

Is that you Carl? It’s alive! Alive… Alive… alive…

Yes. I’m still on the planet… allegedly...

Ooh, you’re not sounding your usual bolshoi self…

Yeah, it’s been a funny old year, kinda had the stuffing knocked out of me.

Sorry to hear that, although it does almost explain the weird title…

Well, part of my stuffing (that has been temporarily knocked out) must be creativity because I’ve been bereft of inspiration.

But there’s been so much going on in the world! Don’t you have any opinions anymore?

Of course I do but do I want to talk about them? No, I don’t. I’ve been converted by the old adage – ‘If you don’t have anything good to say then keep your bloody mouth shut because there’s more than enough misery as it is…’

Is that really how the saying goes?

Yes, sod off. My blog, my rules. (Hmmm, maybe a little bit of stuffing remains?)

We certainly hope so, we’ve missed your snarky takes on current events and human behaviour.

Well I promise I’ll try harder from now on. But no whinging or depressing stuff. You can watch the news for that.

So what’s next?

I’ve been cooking a lot recently. I may make some bread-crumbs and try my hand at stuffing.

Well, enjoy!

‘Eff off…

Fuck_Rob

 

 

 

Annoyances, Annoying, Blog, Commentary, Criticism

“My Gran died last night :'( ” – Really? Which one?

OMG! You didn’t really say that did you Carl?

No. Of course not. But I am trying to make a point.

Uh oh. Is this going to be a rant?

It was. But I’m going to hold myself back. I’m getting so sick of all the misery on Facebook at the moment that I’m actually starting to hate my ‘Friends’. I nearly deleted my account last night and I’ve been on it since 2007.

What do you mean ‘misery’?

Well, maybe it’s the time of year, but why does every bit of misfortune that befalls anyone have to be put out there for all and sundry to take discomfort from? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unsympathetic but I’m starting to feel pressurised to ‘care’ about a lot of stuff when in fact I could give a shit.

Don’t read it then.

Ah! That good old stock answer. My reply – don’t write it. Keep personal stuff exactly that – personal. I’m very sorry that you’re dead, dying, diagnosed with something horrible or that your penis is a bit scabby but tell me in a PM please. *Sigh*. – Rant over. Got it out of my system.

What are you going to do now?

Check the updates on the ‘friends’ I don’t really like and see if anything nasty has happened to them. I know they’ll make a big deal of telling everyone and it’ll cheer me up.

Awkward Situations, Blog, bright side of life, Commentary, Humor, Irony

Blank stares in Vegas

*Sigh* – Not another post about Vegas…

Yes, get over it. There may be a few. The States was a great source of fresh material and I have a burning desire to make your lives more miserable with it. Seeing it’s Xmas and all.

So what’s this one about?

I’m glad you asked. Well, when I got there I was looking forward to hearing all the “How’s it going today Sir?” and “You have a nice day.” and all that. It amused me. For a bit.

Then?

Well, I got a bit judgemental and started mental scoring people on the effort they put into their greeting and sincerity in the delivery and width and brightness of smile.

What were the results?

Bit variable. I reckon 40% really good (They were either drunk, high or just looking to make the day less dull) and then there were the other 60% – resentful, bored, uninterested and generally wishing they could do just about anything else (Like get drunk or high).

So what did you do?

I tried to cheer them up by being cheery, enthusiastic and effusive in my thanks.

How did that work out?

An awful lot of blank stares. Once threatened with security being called. There was one exception though – Vanessa.

Who’s Vanessa?

The girl who checked me in at the hotel. The second person I spoke to since arriving in Las Vegas.

That’s nice. She appreciated your humour then?

Unsurprisingly yes. She was English and came from Crystal Palace in London. A mile away from where I live….

Annoyances, Arguments, Blog, Commentary, Drinks, Humor

That is NOT an ‘effing Margarita…

Oh dear Carl. What happened?

Well. *DEEP SIGH* I was out in Las Vegas being taken for dinner by friends last week…

And?

Well. We were seated and the waitress naturally asked us if we would like drinks. I spied two ladies drinking from cocktail glasses with white crystals around the rim and the light bulb switched on in my mouth.

Ah, you thought they were drinking Margaritas?

Yes. My all-time favourite cocktail. My number one each and every time. Drunk them all over the world.

So?

I ordered one.

And?

I got a snow-cone.

Ah… Did you make her cry?

Not at first. I asked her WTF it was. She dutifully replied it was a Margarita.

Hmmm… What did you say?

It took me a few seconds to think of a response. I finally came up the witty response “No the **** it isn’t. Margaritas don’t have ice in them and they certainly don’t come in half-pint glasses. They come in glasses like that!”, pointing at the empty conical glasses on the other table.

“Oh no Sir, they’re for Daiquiris…”

At this point I began to cry and ordered beer instead. It arrived in a soup bowl…

Annoying, Anxiety, Blog, Commentary, Humor

Las Vegas scared the crap out of me…

What? Carl, we thought you were some kind of tough guy…

I am. But two weeks in a casino/hotel/spa taught me some things about American plumbing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very clean and does the job but…

I’m intrigued now. But what?

The toilets flush themselves! And they have suction on them that puts an aeroplane loo or black hole to shame.

Surely that’s good though? Get rid of it once and for all as soon as possible?

You’d think, but when you’re sitting there trying to relax and not expecting it, the sudden flush and rush of wind can be a little ‘disconcerting’ shall we say? – Good job I was in the right place… 😉  (Pun intended)

Annoyances, Behaviour, Bigotry, Blog, Commentary, Humor

Morbidly Obese Cock Womble

Ok Carl… You’ve certainly come up with interesting things before (Sometimes) but this one is definitely raising the bar…

Well, do you share a property with someone who is, let us say, a little unpredictable on occasion?

Nope. We come to you for the crazy…

Ah. Good for you. I’m very happy knowing your life is ‘normal’.

So, tell us, what is a morbidly obese cock womble?

Have you ever woken in the morning to find offensive graffiti on your front door and a sad attempt to stick it shut with duct tape? – Because apparently it’s, and I quote, ‘Funny’?

Can’t say I have.

Well, welcome to my life. Being the calm natured person I am it was only reasonable (In my opinion) to break into his flat, steal his permanent marker and return the ‘favour’. That too is funny IMHO….

Hence – Morbidly Obese Cock Womble every time he sticks the key in the door…

cock-womble