Things I’m no good at Part 11 – The understatement…

You Carl? No good at the understatement? We would never have suspected it!

I know! I have absolutely no idea why someone would accuse me of that! I prefer it be called ‘Poetic Licence’ – I am a best-selling author after all…

Hmmmm, Best-selling author? Isn’t that a bit of an over-statement?

Absolutely not! Poetic licence as I previously stated…

Ok, you do realise that some people may call it exaggeration at best and downright lying at worst…

I tend not to associate with those type of small-minded people…

Dear god. Is this why you talk to yourself online? Because you have no friends?

Of course not. I have absolutely MILLIONS of friends… And readers…

Blank stares in Vegas

*Sigh* – Not another post about Vegas…

Yes, get over it. There may be a few. The States was a great source of fresh material and I have a burning desire to make your lives more miserable with it. Seeing it’s Xmas and all.

So what’s this one about?

I’m glad you asked. Well, when I got there I was looking forward to hearing all the “How’s it going today Sir?” and “You have a nice day.” and all that. It amused me. For a bit.

Then?

Well, I got a bit judgemental and started mental scoring people on the effort they put into their greeting and sincerity in the delivery and width and brightness of smile.

What were the results?

Bit variable. I reckon 40% really good (They were either drunk, high or just looking to make the day less dull) and then there were the other 60% – resentful, bored, uninterested and generally wishing they could do just about anything else (Like get drunk or high).

So what did you do?

I tried to cheer them up by being cheery, enthusiastic and effusive in my thanks.

How did that work out?

An awful lot of blank stares. Once threatened with security being called. There was one exception though – Vanessa.

Who’s Vanessa?

The girl who checked me in at the hotel. The second person I spoke to since arriving in Las Vegas.

That’s nice. She appreciated your humour then?

Unsurprisingly yes. She was English and came from Crystal Palace in London. A mile away from where I live….