To blog or not to blog…

Sometimes the muse leaves you…

The terror of the blank page… blah blah

The fear that inspiration will never return…. blah blah

The panic that your well has run dry…blah, again, blah

Well, I have NOTHING! ZILCH! SWEET FA! – so I’m going to write about things that aren’t inspirational at all and see how long you can take it…. 😉

The big debate in the house today is 1) how to make money and 2) how to spend it.

1. has basically boiled down to what we can and/or are prepared to sell – having some success already with items found in the shed and our wardrobes being advertised on Gumtree. The other solution being me entering competitions online (yawn) and taking surveys (coma).

2. Is a recipe for disaster. One of us thinks that food, utilities, makeup etc. is more important whilst the other really wants some model gun kits from Japan and some mobile phone credit and to keep Spotify Premium live.

What would’ve really cheered me up today would have been flying my helicopter but it’s been far too windy – I have no idea how Prince William does it (His is bigger though…)

I’ve recently rediscovered MAME32 and have been trying to conquer R-Type and Galaxians again – just not the same without a proper joystick and buttons with fag-burns on them though. At least I can give myself unlimited credits….

Still with me?

Apparently the “best” length for a blog entry is approx. 1000 words.

BUGGER THAT….

Remember I said I wasn’t depressed earlier?

Bloody am now. Doing online surveys and competitions in an attempt to earn/win cash/goods to sell. Possibly the most soul-destroying thing I’ve ever had to put myself through.

Why am I doing this? – Well I’ve been signed off work for medical reasons and the amount of benefits you can get these days barely keeps our two cats fed let alone us.

Still you never know – may win something and then it’ll be blogging from a beach somewhere (Southend maybe?) 😉

Still, I shall stick at it. Being realistic, SOMEONE wins these prizes!

N.B. If anyone feels “triggered” by the photo – It IS for sale at a very reasonable price….

The bright side of life…

Did you wake up happy this morning?

I did. Bit of a shocker.

Years of suffering from manic depression have made even the simplest things seem like insurmountable obstacles at times.

Getting out of bed to use the toilet was like being asked to walk on broken glass.

Getting dressed would be like translating the works of Mao Tse-Tung from the original Manadarin.

Depression is not understood by anyone who has not experienced it. It is NOT feeling a bit “down”. Nor is it something you can just “snap” out of…

Try and imagine that all of a sudden you have had a ton of wet sand dumped on you.

You cannot move, you can barely breathe. The harder you try to escape from under it the more exhausted you become until you have no choice but to sleep. And dreams are all you have left because in your dreams you can move and breathe again. You can dream that you are happy.

But then you wake up. Sometimes a lot of the sand has gone, sometimes it’s doubled in size.

Pills can help (sometimes). Counselling can help (sometimes).

And sometimes, but just sometimes, something will wash the sand away and you can walk on the beach in the sunshine again. But the sand will always be between the butt-cheeks of your mind somewhere… And you’ll never be completely confident you won’t wake up covered by it again.

All you can do is rejoice the days it’s gone and hope it never returns.