Sleeping With Nurses…

“Nurse Knows Best”

Color Key

Black = Male Nurse Speaking

Red = Me Thinking

Blue = Me Speaking

White Space = Male Nurse Thinking

 

• (Nurse) 4:10am “How are you sleeping?” – WTF? It’s 4:10!
• “I’m having bad dreams, I can’t sleep”
• 4:11am “Have you tried having a good dream to chase the bad ones away?” – SERIOUSLY?> WTF?
• 4:20am “You shouldn’t be awake, it’s not good for you. Try to sleep.”
• “My meds cause insomnia. Can you give me something to help knock me out?”
• “No, there’s nothing prescribed and the doctor is busy.”
• 4.30am “Try having a hot shower to relax yourself” – (he winks)
• SERIOUSLY? > You’re telling me to have a wank? WTF?
• 4:36am “Have you tried relaxing?” (Winks again)
• WTF? What is it with you and wanking?
• 4:39am “You should try lying on your bed, closing your eyes, breathe deeply and slowly and think of relaxing things”
• YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS…

Depression

The things all people say...

 “Good Morning?”

Do you REALLY want to know?

“How’s it going?”

Downhill rapidly

“You alright mate?”

Not really

Have you ever given anyone the REAL answer to any of the stupid questions we all greet each other with every day of our lives?

I have.

It’s one of my favorite (and cheapest) pastimes. I get great amusement in watching people’s reaction when I actually honestly answer the question they very soon regret ever asking.

Well, it’s your own fault

Ask me no (stoopid) questions, I’ll tell you no lies.

Because my HONEST answer (most mornings) tends to be

“Well… I’m pretty fucked off actually.”

“I’m still alive for starters. I find almost no pleasure or satisfaction in ANYTHING I have to do or just do out of habit like an emotionless lump of meat. I see absolutely no point in wasting resources by continuing to breathe.”

Note to self – Is this getting a bit self-pitying??? (Boring?)

Note to reader – If you fancy playing this game, your local GP’s surgery waiting room is the ideal place to start…. Think about it…..

Nothing ventured…

So I went to an Open Mic last night to test out some of my new material and learnt some valuable lessons.

I did get laughs but have realised that a “muso” crowd is not the right one for my act.

Also realised that St Patricks day is a poor choice of date – everyone is out to get slaughtered and not really interested in stage performances unless its a lively, raucous “sing-a-long”.

Satire isn’t going to cut it.

I’m not devestated though and will continue – much more rehearsal and better choice of venue next time.